The other night while lying in bed with alot on my mind Johnny Cash started playing on the tv. Johnny Cash, like Bob Dylan is one of my all time favorite artists and person that I admire. I read his book some time ago and like John Cusack says in High Fidelity, my favorite book would have to be Cash by Johnny Cash. The other night the song that got me was "The Beast in me". One of his best but not as popular songs, as he did sing a great many. The lyrics are:
The beast in me Is caged by frail and fragile bars Restless by day And by night rants and rages at the stars God help the beast in me
The beast in me Has had to learn to live with pain And how to shelter from the rain And in the twinkling of an eye Might have to be restrained God help the beast in me
Sometimes it tries to kid me That it's just a teddy bear And even somehow manage to vanish in the air And that is when I must beware Of the beast in me that everybody knows They've seen him out dressed in my clothes Patently unclear If it's New York or New Year God help the beast in me
The beast in me
I felt that song wash a calm all over me and I slept great. Another reminder that change is good but its a constant struggle. What you put into things is truely what you get out on the other end. Sometimes all you can do is just keep moving. There is this part of me, this "beast" and all that comes with it. Sometimes I feel it but rarely does it manifest itself today as it used to. Another description I appreciate was James Frey's in A Million Little Pieces, as flawed as it was, described that "fury" in him that was just automatic. This is not an increased heart rate or something like that, its a burning rage, a beast in a cage, ready to break and we dont give into that day after day. I felt that beast the other day at the grocery store looking at the prices of cigarettes and I wanted one, I felt the intensity, the desire so filled with rage...quickly I remembered why I quit, Oh yeah it will kill me, and calmed down, but looking at me or talking to me you would have had no idea that my emotions had just won me over. That used to be my life. There is nothing else in the world like that feeling. If I could have that feeling and funnel it to something other than chemicals I could be a millionaire. Back when I would rob, steal, cheat, fight, hurt, anything to get that desire met with no control..like it wasnt me...like someone else was wearing my clothes and controlling my movements.
I was calmed by the reminding of this by someone like Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash was a badass, there is no other way around that but on the other end he was the other extreme of complete humilty, faith and sharing of God's words. Seeing that was something I needed to see as I am trying to balance the bad part of my life with the good and carry that positive message to others.
Cash by Johnny Cash was like any other book a thousand times better than the movie, even though the acting was great. What I havent developed in my life which I completely repsect and admire about a person like Johnny Cash is a unquestionable core foundation of religious belief. I have had my doubts, my skepticism, my varied interests, my feelings hurt, throughout the religions. I seem to like bits and peices of different things that way they dont dissappoint me and in a way I have some control. I dont question that there is a God and that I am loved and here for a purpose. I beleive in love, forgiveness, heaven, hell, and Jesus. There is a part of me that wishes to be as hardcore as someone like Johnny Cash or as disciplined as a buddhist monk, or as in touch as a samari. When I read Johnny Cash's book I was coming out of one of the worst places in my life and beginning the best and I related and was inspired to do more. I realize that there is only so much a person can do at once, one thing at a time, first things first, but time is always slipping into the future.
I have big goals and big dreams and I love my life and all that comes with it. Like a typical junkie I always want more and always want to take it to another level. Like Johnny Cash's words, "The beast in me Has had to learn to live with pain And how to shelter from the rain And in the twinkling of an eye Might have to be restrained God help the beast in me", it all comes back to God and why we are here in the first place. I believe I have been forgiven for the things that I have done and that I am still here to do something. I hope I live up to that.
And by the way, if you havent read that book, its well worth the read. The man can quote some scripture and talk about some dope with the best of them with a humility and ease that is inspiring.
The beast in me Is caged by frail and fragile bars Restless by day And by night rants and rages at the stars God help the beast in me
The beast in me Has had to learn to live with pain And how to shelter from the rain And in the twinkling of an eye Might have to be restrained God help the beast in me
Sometimes it tries to kid me That it's just a teddy bear And even somehow manage to vanish in the air And that is when I must beware Of the beast in me that everybody knows They've seen him out dressed in my clothes Patently unclear If it's New York or New Year God help the beast in me
The beast in me
I felt that song wash a calm all over me and I slept great. Another reminder that change is good but its a constant struggle. What you put into things is truely what you get out on the other end. Sometimes all you can do is just keep moving. There is this part of me, this "beast" and all that comes with it. Sometimes I feel it but rarely does it manifest itself today as it used to. Another description I appreciate was James Frey's in A Million Little Pieces, as flawed as it was, described that "fury" in him that was just automatic. This is not an increased heart rate or something like that, its a burning rage, a beast in a cage, ready to break and we dont give into that day after day. I felt that beast the other day at the grocery store looking at the prices of cigarettes and I wanted one, I felt the intensity, the desire so filled with rage...quickly I remembered why I quit, Oh yeah it will kill me, and calmed down, but looking at me or talking to me you would have had no idea that my emotions had just won me over. That used to be my life. There is nothing else in the world like that feeling. If I could have that feeling and funnel it to something other than chemicals I could be a millionaire. Back when I would rob, steal, cheat, fight, hurt, anything to get that desire met with no control..like it wasnt me...like someone else was wearing my clothes and controlling my movements.
I was calmed by the reminding of this by someone like Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash was a badass, there is no other way around that but on the other end he was the other extreme of complete humilty, faith and sharing of God's words. Seeing that was something I needed to see as I am trying to balance the bad part of my life with the good and carry that positive message to others.
Cash by Johnny Cash was like any other book a thousand times better than the movie, even though the acting was great. What I havent developed in my life which I completely repsect and admire about a person like Johnny Cash is a unquestionable core foundation of religious belief. I have had my doubts, my skepticism, my varied interests, my feelings hurt, throughout the religions. I seem to like bits and peices of different things that way they dont dissappoint me and in a way I have some control. I dont question that there is a God and that I am loved and here for a purpose. I beleive in love, forgiveness, heaven, hell, and Jesus. There is a part of me that wishes to be as hardcore as someone like Johnny Cash or as disciplined as a buddhist monk, or as in touch as a samari. When I read Johnny Cash's book I was coming out of one of the worst places in my life and beginning the best and I related and was inspired to do more. I realize that there is only so much a person can do at once, one thing at a time, first things first, but time is always slipping into the future.
I have big goals and big dreams and I love my life and all that comes with it. Like a typical junkie I always want more and always want to take it to another level. Like Johnny Cash's words, "The beast in me Has had to learn to live with pain And how to shelter from the rain And in the twinkling of an eye Might have to be restrained God help the beast in me", it all comes back to God and why we are here in the first place. I believe I have been forgiven for the things that I have done and that I am still here to do something. I hope I live up to that.
And by the way, if you havent read that book, its well worth the read. The man can quote some scripture and talk about some dope with the best of them with a humility and ease that is inspiring.
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