Me being the individual that I am I have always hated labels. Labels have always been a kind of form of judgment, sizing somebody up or putting something into a little box or a category. Now I do use labels almost all the time as it is a way of interpreting, defining and understanding the world around me, labels like a Yankee’s fan or Red Sox fan. These would be interpreted by a Yankees fan being a smart, dedicated, passionate lover of the game and its history whereas a Red Sox fan would be a front running ignorant weakling that cannot handle being second class. These are labels that help me interpret what that may mean to me but does not encompass what it may mean to other people or in fact what they mean at all as baseball is just a game. Labels are like categories and I am against putting things in categories because then people think they know something when really in my opinion they don’t. A good example I think is religion. Religion has many different kinds of labels (Catholic, Lutheran, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islam) that all encompass different meanings and understandings of the same basic idea. In our country Muslims are labeled as terrorists and I do not believe that all Muslims are terrorists, just as I don’t believe that all Christians do the right thing or turn the other cheek. The other thing with religion is that as they are labeling everything they believe that they have an understanding of what God is and what God means and the ways in which you should honor God. I believe that humans don’t have a fucking clue what God means and where it begins and ends, just as I believe humans don’t understand love, I think we have ideas and opinions but not enough to define or label. Many people try but if there was a pure solid one way that was limited there wouldn’t be so many songs or movies or people chasing after it, it is because it is unlimited and comes in so many forms like you don’t love your parents the way you love your wife. Labels to me are a statement of understanding or ownership or entitlement.
When I was a kid I was labeled as a stoner, junkie, dope fiend, and someone that wouldn’t amount to much. I was told this by teachers and friends. This was my label and it defined me to those people and at times it did to me too but I never let it complete define me to me. I had other feelings and ideas in me that finally came around to show others something different about me but I didn’t do that for others I did that for me. Labels give me security in thinking that I know something when in reality I know very little about a very little bit. I don’t know how people label me now and I don’t care, I like who I am today and whatever that comes with. I have been through a lot in my life many ups and downs, sometimes things that I didn’t know whether I would get back up from, but I always did. Most of the times that were bad for me were when I thought I knew something about something, as a kid you think you know it all. For instance, what a relationship means. I know what it means to me, from my own relationship history, my own research, my own conversations, and by my own journey to where I am today. Many people have not had the experiences that I have had and even if they did they didn’t see it from my eyes, does that mean I understand something more about relationships, no, but it does give me a better idea of what I like, and want, out of being with a woman.
I am married today and to the world that labels me as no longer single, checking the married box, a different tax structure, and the age old jokes about married people. None of these things defines me or my feelings about what I share with Desiree. The ring and license are just symbols of something much bigger that I cannot understand or comprehend, at the end of the day I am human which is not too far a step from being locked in a cage at a zoo as a gorilla, I just stand upright, don’t throw my shit and can communicate rational thoughts at times. To me nothing has changed except on paper and the wedding was an awesome party to share a great moment with many close friends and family members and express those feelings of love. My marriage is not anybody else’s or like any other persons as Desiree and myself are evolving people that change everyday which in turn changes the dynamics of what we share together, this is not defined with the label of marriage or happiness but they can be interpreted that way depending upon who you are. I just don’t see things in terms of black and white, where things are one way or they are another. Labels to me are limitations and then you become content because you think you know a thing or two. To me God is the only one who knows what any of this means or how things should be and there are subtle signs along the way that you can ignore or listen to for guidance along your own personal journey. I am glad and lucky to have people in my life that I should, can and have listened to and to have taken chances in life that most people wouldn’t. I lost every one of my friends when I got clean, every single one but one, only one from that time in my life do I talk to not many people would do that at the age of 21. Just like not many people at 22 years old would give up the single college lifestyle for a girl that lived 10 hours in distance from them. Funny how things go when you just let them unfold. It is not easy to do as most people want to be in control of what is around them so they feel secure in their own existence and for me I like it better when people are themselves, when they are honest open and real. Things are more exciting that way, more surprising. Desiree and I never defined things but people defined it for us because that is what they saw, me and her just never cared, we just wanted to be with the other person and the details of how we do that just don’t matter as long as we both were happy. I cannot define that or label that because it is not the type of thing I see other people do, it is not the age old unhappy marriage jokes, and it is not other people who are content in their marriage, and it is not others that are completely happy in their marriages. What I feel we share is unlimited and it shows through in unlimited ways that cannot be defined. In simple everyday things like holding a door for somebody or helping a person with their luggage in the airport, adding something positive to the world on a daily basis for no reason.
Labels are very confining and in America, a country that leads the world in depression and anxiety diagnosis, we are probably the most insecure country as well, as we are given a wide range of mixed messages most of them attacking are confidence and well being. Every commercial is aimed at getting something you don’t have and trying to make you feel or think that you are missing out or if you get this you will be ok. A lot of that marketing is through name brand or labels. There are labels for everything from drink, food, clothes, and computers to even phones now. People feel comfortable with these labels because it includes them in something bigger then themselves as one of the herd. I get confined to this as well as it is very hard to avoid it. The people that admire most in the world are people that step out of that brick in the wall mentality and do something different, eventually it gets a label, but it’s original until it does. People like Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, Bob Dylan, Bob Marley, Hendrix, Joplin, The Dead, Nirvana, Derek Jeter, the Dali Lama, Hunter S. Thompson, Warren Buffet and even Dave Matthews. None of these people are followers of a general herd of people; they are all original thinkers and leaders in different ways. They stepped out of the machine and the machine then adjusted to them, but they are still unique.
Overall the point I am trying to make is that I just hate labels even though I use them on a daily basis as a way of interpreting and categorizing the things around me. I do not like the judgment that is involved or what else comes with being in those categorize as I am a person who is not defined by a few simple words or categories and when dealing with celebrations of loving unions that may hopefully produce new life in the future and live on through future generations….that cannot be put into a category as even thinking about it boggles the deeper meaning in my heart. We are really fucking small in this world and not as important as we think we are the least we could do is be good to those around us and respect them enough not to confine them to labels.
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